118 -- [locked to Jinx]

[illuminatings]

... Jinx? Can we talk? I, um... it's really important.

Comments

[badluckbabe.livejournal.com]

Alright. Talk.

[soul-on-light.livejournal.com]

First off, I'd like to say sorry about all the things that I've done lately. I... wasn't thinking at all.

Secondly, I deeply appreciate the fact that you were trying to help out Angel when he went berserk for no reason. That... that means a lot to me. It really does.

Thirdly, I'm really sorry that I hurt you like that. I don't know what I can do to make it up to you, but I can understand if you don't want to be friends with me after all that mess...

[badluckbabe.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that not thinking thing? You do it alot. That's usually what Anna and I have to do for you.

Kid was freaking out, I did what I should have done even if he did try to get under my skin by talking about what you two...

...

Why Hoshi. Just...let's start with why?

[soul-on-light.livejournal.com]

Heh, I guess it is. I'm trying to get better at thinking logically about my decisions so that I don't make the same mistake twice.

I guess I saw a bit of myself in the kid. See, shamans back in my world aren't accepted that well since we're different from normal humans, and with him, he faced the same due to just his hair. I... know it's not my place to be saying such, but I can't simply stand by and watch as people suffer. I want to do something to help him out like with Shichiyou... so, yeah. That's my explanation as to why I did it.

[badluckbabe.livejournal.com]

Yeah but when you speak in your "I'm being logical" voice it makes you sound like a heartless bitch.

...you kissed him because you felt sorry for him?

[soul-on-light.livejournal.com]

... well, I'm getting help from both of my incarnations now to think better about my decisions, at least...?

No, it's not that... it's just... he said that I reminded him of a really good friend before he died.

[badluckbabe.livejournal.com]

From them, from Anna, from me, from Vader...

So how far exactly did it go?

[soul-on-light.livejournal.com]

... I need to rely on my own strength more than others, don't I?

Just kissing. That's it.

[badluckbabe.livejournal.com]

Swing and a miss, try again Blondy.

How much kissing?

[soul-on-light.livejournal.com]

...eheh... That is also something I need to work on.

Not a lot and it's not every night, either.

[badluckbabe.livejournal.com]

So try again.

And you're kissing him...because you want to help him.

[soul-on-light.livejournal.com]

Perhaps... allow them to help me, but remember how far I've come?

... I guess I can't say that, but... ah, I fail at this love thing or whatever it's called. It's so confusing.

[badluckbabe.livejournal.com]

You're getting warmer.

...so you think it's love.

[soul-on-light.livejournal.com]

... erk, um, let them help me, remember how far I've come and make my own decisions based on their advice?

A-And, um, no, I don't. I don't know what it is, really. Um, I, ah...

[badluckbabe.livejournal.com]

All valid answers but what I was looking for was that you need to stop forgetting the advice people give you so you don't keep screwing up the same way.

...

[soul-on-light.livejournal.com]

... man, I haven't changed at all from a few months ago, have I?

... Eek...

[badluckbabe.livejournal.com]

You've grown alot...but sometimes it seems like you take one step forward and two steps back on your relationships.

Hoshi...do you know why I can't stand to look you in the eyes anymore? It's because when Shichiyou attacked me he made me see an image of you broken, defeated. Submissive to him. He forced a kiss on you, put his tongue in...and obviously he had done other things to you before then.

That image has been burned into my nightmares since the day it happened.

[soul-on-light.livejournal.com]

I see...

...
...
...

WHAT IN THE HELL?! W-Why didn't you tell me?!

[badluckbabe.livejournal.com]

I tried, you didn't hear me.

There in the hospital after it happened, you were so focused on trying to be Hoshi the leader you didn't even...see it. Hear it. You wanted blood for blood even though you didn't want to kill him.

[soul-on-light.livejournal.com]

...I... I just... ergh.

Shichiyou will be going down, Jinx.

[badluckbabe.livejournal.com]

Probably yeah.

[soul-on-light.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, Jinx, for everything that he has done to you and... I hope that that image can get out of your head eventually...

[badluckbabe.livejournal.com]

You and me both.

Hoshi...I'm still mad at you. And hurt...and a bunch of other things. I'm still your friend but...

...go take care of the people who need you. I'll deal with this the same way I always do.

[soul-on-light.livejournal.com]

... This is one of those long term things, isn't it...?

Mm... very well... but please, do keep in touch with me, alright...?

[badluckbabe.livejournal.com]

I have alot to be mad about. Throwing my criminal past in my face and putting me on the same level as a killer was a stupid move.

I'm going to go have a talk with Hana, that usually helps.

[soul-on-light.livejournal.com]

... sorry.

Alright...

[badluckbabe.livejournal.com]

...

[Attached: Chocolate bar and can of soda]

Keep your strength up, you'll need it.

[Signal terminated]